aj (stressed_nos) wrote,
aj
stressed_nos

lightheaded

starve all day, binge at night. wake up, depressed about the binge, starve all day, binge at night.

well, it's day, so, i'm starving. And i'm lightheaded and dizzy and everything feels super distant even though that's not the case. i can't bring myself to eat-- i have healthy low cal options with me. i can't even drink my diet coke, the thought of swallowing anything is making me so anxious. I feel crazy. I know that the clementine in my bag, or the apple, or even the luna bar won't make me any more disgustingly fat than i already am. I know that i'm slowing what little metabolism i have down further and further by acting like this. I know this means drinking tonight at my birthday celebration will be a bad, bad idea. but i can't do it. I'm nervous I'm going to pass out during class. At least no one will suspect it's from an ED since i'm so fat.
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