aj (stressed_nos) wrote,

ten years too late...

so all of my body image issues come straight from me, my mother, my own lack of self esteem, but never men. Men i've always felt confident about being able to attain no matter what size i am. until now. i'm back at my highest weight in five years, and it really really sucks. but what sucks even more, is that i have the BIGGEST crush on this guy and feel too self-conscious to hook up with him and left when he tried and now can't get him back. I'm not 15, i'm 25, this is ridiculous. My self worth has never ever depended on a guy, but meeting all of his exs and seeing that they're these beautiful, thin, modelesque women, and i'm this gross blob, and i couldn't figure out why he would possibly be interested in me, and i expressed that out loud because i'm STUPID, and now i'm feeling worse about myself because of him. i don't want to let men drive my body image issues because i make them bad enough by myself. i need him to think i'm not crazy and give me another chance.
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